Making community work: Taking the initiative to resolve conflict:Tim Chester

This is a instructive article by Tim Chester on resolving conflict in a community situation, and in particualr a church or fellowship context. Disagreements are bound to occur so guidelines on how to resolve them is of the utmost importance for any Christian community.For other articles by him check out his blog at http://timchester.wordpress.com/ AK

How do you respond to the idea of ‘missional community’? Excitement? Idealism? Threat? Intrusive? Missional community sounds fine as an ideal. But does it bare any relation to reality? How can community work with real people?



First, taking the initiative to resolve conflict.
Conflict is a normal part of life. So don’t suppress conflict. If you can forget about it then do so. But if it affect your attitudes then you need to take the initiative to it (Ephesians 4:26-27). Talk with the person and involve others if necessary (Matthew 18:16).

Repent

Conflict arises from the desires that battle within us – when we don’t get what we want (James 4:1). Most conflicts involve fault on both sides. Where you’re at fault, repent and ask for forgiveness (don’t just say ‘sorry’ as that requires no response so can leave the issue unresolved). Where others are at fault, don’t make the issue all about you, but about them and God – about how their desires matter more to them than God.

Forgive

The sign of a true gospel community is not a community without conflict (whose message is ‘we’re nice people’), but a community that forgives (whose message is ‘God is gracious’). Forgiveness says: ‘This does matter to me, but I still forgive you’. This, in effect, is what God declared at the cross: ‘Your sin matters this much, but I still forgive you.’ It’s an act of will that may only be the beginning of the process of healing.

Conflict Resolution Tips

Cool off. Allow time for your emotions to calm down and use this time to pray and search your own heart.

Talk direct. Don’t moan to other people; talk to the person concerned. You may want to talk over the issue with a third party, but chose someone who’ll challenge your behaviour and desires.

Understand their perspective. Make an effort to understand the other person’s perspective. Check you’ve understood by repeating it back in your own words. Try to understand how you’ve contributed to the situation. Don’t trivialise the way they feel.

Use ‘I’ statements instead of ‘you’ statements. For example, ‘I felt like I was being ignored’ rather than ‘You were ignoring me’.

Avoid saying ‘but’. In conflicts the word ‘but’ will cancel what you’ve just said. ‘I appreciate your efforts, but …’ = I don’t appreciate your efforts!

Do not bring up past issues. Remember: love keeps no record of wrongs (1 Corinthians 13:5).

Being Tough Enough To Take It On The Chin!

So, my son, throw yourself into this work for Christ. Pass on what you heard from me—the whole congregation saying Amen!— to reliable leaders who are competent to teach others. When the going gets rough, take it on the chin with the rest of us, the way Jesus did. A soldier on duty doesn't get caught up in making deals at the marketplace. He concentrates on carrying out orders. An athlete who refuses to play by the rules will never get anywhere. It's the diligent farmer who gets the produce. Think it over. God will make it all plain.Paul to Timothy


This is a powerful passage! Scripture and Christianity isn't for spiritual or physical wimps - when the going gets tough the tough get going.But even if you are fearful and scared, God can give you His strength!

What initially kept me from fully giving myself over to Christ was the thought that it was for ‘mummy's boys’ and ‘softies’. I reckoned my Dad was as manly as they came (he was a blue collar, John Wayne and Charlton Heston type, and my hero since I was a little boy!), but as he didn't go to church much, and when I looked at those who did, I (wrongly) assumed they were all a bit soft!

I knew Christ was fearless but I needed to meet an ordinary Christian who also showed the same toughness and fearlessness!

Then I heard about the Russian Christian soldier called Vanya who was tortured to death for his his faith-that almost did it!

It was however a surprise to me by what finally convinced me that God was real and that I should follow Him.He sent two of his young servants to the Housing Estate where I lived-both of them were small -one would have perhaps been described as ugly,the other 'a skinny wimp’! They were certainly both uncool and not my idea of what a 'real man' was.Yet I was convicted by their courage and fearlessness. If God could take away the 'fear of man' in these guys (they would have had a hard enough time as it was, without going round telling people about Jesus in a Housing Estate),he was sure to be real and could change even the most fearful heart:He could even change mine! He did too-and He eventually changed my Dad's heart as well!

Sometimes as a Christian you have to fight-sometimes we must give in and walk away but sometimes we must be firm and take a stand. Read the life of Jesus and Paul and you will see that they were never pushed over when things got scary. Christ threw the money changers out of the Temple and Paul never minced his words when he believed false teachers were trying to lead his converts astray!The thing is- we need to know when to speak out and when to shut up, which means we need to get as close as we can to God,listen to the Spirit within and learn to hear his voice.AK